Director's Cut
by Adversity-X
Summary: The tragedies of what happened when Escaflowne was directed by a group of spaz people... one with a short temper and biting habits, one with a bubble pipe and another that has is so shameless... oh the PAIN! How did the original directors cope! sigh Read


Hiya!

I don't own Escaflowne... or Fruits basket (Jess just found the urge to stick Yuki in) _Sweat drop_ I wonder why I agreed to... _Sigh_ -.- anyway this is a fic that me and a friend (i.e. Jess, but I think you would of worked that out now... unless you hadn't... but I'm not going to say anything about that) made one night called Sunday 15th

I also decided that using italics for stage directions and all that stuff would have to do... due to the fact that I can't use some the symbols

Oh yeah... I changed my settings again... I think I'll stop it now... it's annoying for anyone who reads my fics -.-;

Note: It's quite short... and if you like Allen... well it's a good time to leave

Reader: _Shakes fists_ Get on with it!

TK: Meep! _Types... as fast as possible_

* * *

**TK is running around trying to organize everything. Jess is applying make-up to Dilly, and fussing over all of the Slayers.**

**The scene is at Allen's castle, when Zaibach were requesting supplies. (Jess wrote it… is it a castle? Meh… who cares)**

TK: Ok, are we ready?

Allen: HA! I don't see any of you with your own castle

Van: I'm king of a country. Shut up.

Dilly: Will you just shut up and make way for me! Or would you rather I cut my way through this rabble?

_Everyone moves. Dilly looks disappointed_

TK: Hey! Where are the Dragon Slayers?

Jess: I said if they all gave me kisses and hugs they could go to starbucks. (Rat on Jess' shoulder is sad.) Don't worry Yuki, I'm making Chesta bring you cheese! Cheddar you know.

TK: 0.0; WWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT?

Jess: They all looked so hungry! And they're such sweet kissers, except Dallet, he's so greasy!

TK: YOU'RE SO SHAMELESS! _Sarcastically _and soooooo nice _Glares daggers at Jess_

Laura: You guys are crappy directors. Hey, we need stand-ins! Someone call the fire brigade, they're the closest thing to Dragon Slayers!

**Later**

Dilly: MWAHAHAHA-… LINE?

TK: It's 'HA'! 'Ha' you idiot!

Dilly: _Clears throat_ MWAHAHAHAHA!... is that right?

TK: YES! NOW DO IT!

Jess: Dilly, you don't have enough blusher on, here... _Dilly ends up looking like Dorothy from the wizard of Oz_

Dilly: _Vein pops_

Jess: And now some lipstick!

Dilly: NO! No. Thanks. But no!

TK: -.-; _Slaps self on forehead_ JUST STOP ALREADY! You're making him look like Allen!

Allen: Aw, Celena, you take after your big brother!

Dilly: ... GO TO HELL CHEESE ASS! .

TK: _Anime style fall_ DAMN YOU ALL! Why don't you ALL GO TO HELL!... Well not Gatty... BUT THAT'S BESDIDES THE POINT... SO GO TO HELL! ALL OF YOU!

Migu: I thought that was later on...

TK: _Glares in the utmost scary manner_ DAMN YOU!

**Slayers death scene**

_TK is taking deep breaths with rosary beads in hand._

TK: Please God...

_Scene goes perfectly, and all is silent while the slayers pretend to be dead_

_Distant sobbing_

TK: $#&! JESS! YOU IDIOT! YOU RUINED IT! T.T _cries_

Jess: I... Sniff... can't help... sniff... it! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Theyy're all so cute! WAAAAAHHHH!

_Chesta starts coughing_

Chesta: I think I swallowed some of that fake blood stuff... _Cough cough..._

TK: _Dies crying_ MY LIFE IS IN VAIN! SO JUST DO IT RIGHT! _Death glares everyone_

Jess: Will someone help him? I think he's dying here! SOMEBODY GIVE CHESTA MOUTH TO MOUTH!

Allen: ME ME ME!

Everyone: HELL NO!

Chesta: _cough cough_

_Miguel comes on, two Dragon Slayers slathering him with margarine_

TK: 0.o What the hell... ARE you doing, it's vile!

Miguel: Aren't I supposed to be bread in this scene?

TK: _Has a very dangerous face on._ **_Twitch_** JUST DIE! _Chucks script and gets out chainsaw_ DIE ALREADY!

Jess: _Ignoring TK and dabbing at Migu's shiny yellow face with a tissue_ Migu, you've been very bad, maybe you should go up early to bread, I mead dead, I mean... aw crap.

Laura: I'm hungry _Eyes Miguel up and down drooling, starts to get starry eyes and visions of Bish and chips_

TK: _Still has dangerous face on Grabs hose and washing up liquid, grabs Miguel and cleans him with Allen's dress_

Laura: _Starts placing salad and ham delicately onto Migu's head_

**Scene skips to when the slayers and Van are walking through death**

Jess: I don't think I can stand this _clutches Dilly's head in hands and hugs him_

Dilly: _Turns purple_

TK: _Twitch... twitch_ OH TO HELL WITH IT! _Walks up and punches Gatty_ I needed to hit someone who wouldn't care!

_Scene skips to when Millerna has healed Allen and says he will be okay..._

Angry mob: Aw crap... it's a miracle!

TK: What is this shit! Chucks pot noodle at Allen

Chid: Hey, I just noticed something; Allen does look a bit like me!

_Everyone starts whistling with their hands behind their backs. Except Laura, who's smoking a bubble pipe and reading '150 ways to conspire against blonde wankers'_

Laura: Yep, your Daddy sure is a poof!

Chid: My... wha?

Allen: _Obliviously prances around blowing kisses to the angry mob and camera crew_

TK: Kicks Laura in the shin SHUDDUP!

Jess: Chid maybe you should come with me. _Jess takes Chid backst_age

_Mumbling is heard, then a distinct "Jimeny Crickets!" from Chid_

TK: Oh brother...

Laura: _Leafing through Schezar family tree_ Oh, what do you know, Chesta's daddy is a poof too, son of… Allen Schezar and Will Young!

TK: 0.0;;;;;_ HUUUUGGGGEEE Sweat drop_

Chesta: Holy mother of saint Petersburg square with a pigeon crapping on a tablespoon!

TK: _Hits Chesta with a wooden spoon_ Don't say such things!

Jess: Van, wanna go get hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies, with cupcakes?

Van: You bet!

Dilly: Can I have an ice-cream?

TK: THAT IS IT! I AM GOING TO STARBUCKS TO GET COFFEE BEFORE I KILL YOU ALL! I DON'T KNOW HOW TO COPE, SO I AM GOING ON VACATION TO… TO… TO… ATLANTIS, AND BY THE TIME I COME BACK, I WILL KILL EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU IF IT IS NOT PERFECT! YOU LITTLE BAS- _TK finds herself all alone_ T.T I really hate you guys!_ Goes on a killing spree to relieve depression and stress_

* * *

The end!

If this is deleted I will virtually cry... no honestly... I will cry!

TK's notes: Well you can't exactly tell who wrote what out of me and Jess...

Migu is what Jess calls Miguel

I would of put Shesta instead of Chesta... but then Jess would start whining at me probably... meh... and I couldn't be bothered to change it once I had already done it...

Oh yes... the pain... the furthest I have gone to hurt someonepurposely was by biting them... but they didn't seem to care, I bite a lot... unless I am extremely pissed off...>.>;


End file.
